When God Speaks

Harness your hope on her, Holy Spirit

Fix your eyes on the son, Jesus

The father is never separate.

As the sun began to set in the dead of winter one day, I began to quiet my anxious thoughts of what tomorrow may bring by stepping out of my “office of solitude & peace”, as I like to call it, when really, I should call it my surrogate escape rote to procrastination zone and into my “family zone” of my self-proclaimed “sainthood” , where I have to be “everything to everyone”, I have learned over the years of recovery, self-help books and one too many social clubs that by stepping into someone else mess, you can temporarily escape from your own. “Move a muscle, change a thought”, is another infamous slogan. Folks like to throw this catch phrase around when they have run out of secular positive things to say.

So I shut my laptop (I also call this unit my ‘distraction dope land’). Did you know every time you click “like” on Facebook it causes a brief dopamine rush to your brain, triggering the urge to find another piece of content to “like”? So, I left my office, took a breath, and headed over to our bedroom. I spent a good 20 minute praying over my family as they slept. Praying for restoration, renewal of the mind, peace, awakening, freedom from sickness and depression. I prayed with my heart and in truth through holy spirit. I should preface that I did this on faith. I thought I heard that “still small voice” suggesting I leave my laptop to go pray for my hubby, David, but I couldn’t be sure. Sometimes, when I am overstimulated with technology, my mind is too cluttered to even hear God. But, when prayer was finished, as always, I felt better. Much better!

I felt the tangible love of God consume me with heavenly kisses! Now the voice was clear as day. Since i had already stated that I would “surrender to your will”, I knew I if I were to obey, I would start feeling better. It was not difficult, but just something I resisted for a moment. I was told to take the dog for a walk. Why I resisted for a minute? Well, that’s just me. If you know me personally, you know I can be a stubborn person. My parents used to sugar coat it by saying that I was “strong willed” or that I was a “free spirit!” Either way you look at it, I am not easily coaxed into doing something I don’t want to do. However, knowing this would be for my best interest and that’s what Abba God is on about, I obeyed.

Of course, after bundling up and stepping outside, I realized this fresh air was EXACTLY what I needed and praised God for giving me the courage to step out in faith, rather than submit to apathy. Abba knows what I need before I know what I need! A smile grew and I knew this would be a comforting, refreshing walk within God’s presence. Halfway into our walk, as Reece stopped to mark her territory, I hear the serene voice of Love telling me things about myself I have not always believed and especially now, as an unemployed teacher, mom of a preschooler, wife of a disgruntled musician and daughter of two financially successful parental units. But I opened my ears and began to hear fragmented streams of consciousness slowly form together… Here is a compilation of those thoughts when compiled together in one poetic collection of thoughts….

My beloved Child, you are a writer. You are a teacher. You are a mother. You are an artist.

I hear your every thought.

I hear, even as I express these truths, you wondering why I did not emphasize with an affirmative adjective. I don’t use these adjectives of man’s creation because they are not accurate and are often misinterpreted by my children.

There is no adjective in the earthly realm to describe the depths of my love for you.

No word to use to reaffirm these truths to you.

The closest word would be “identity”

I want you to soak with me everyday in reflection on these two word: Love. Identity.

I know you want to know for how long, but I am not going to tell you.

Just rest.

The enemy has planted seeds of doubt that have took root because you have watered them with your self righteous fears. All my children do this. You are not alone. I can assure you of this one thing- I will uproot those roots and burn them in my consuming fire, which is my love for you. Your only job is to keep your eyes on Jesus and your hope in my restoration of all things, by continually practicing forgiveness while reminding yourself of your identity as my child and your position here in the heavens.

Now I sit here staring at my laptop, transfixed on heavenly things, the nature of God’s love for us all, but even more impossible to believe, his love for ME, specifically, as an individual. As tears fill my eyes, but not enough to drip down my cheek, the blurry vision makes me laugh as I think about our blindness as a nation, our blindness as a culture, our blindness as the false belief that we are “lost” children of a divine daddy! I can’t help but to anticipate what comes next, but instead, I just keep smiling and praising God for his/her divine humor in the midst of our confusion and ignorance as we hid behind trees just as Adam and Eve did in the garden after eating from the wrong tree.

I think I will go on a diet. I’m declaring for myself a fast from the tree of knowledge and a feast on the tree of life!

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